Creating a Personal Prevention and Accountability Plan

Start by naming, specifically, the behaviours that must stop. Vague commitments like “I will be better” are not useful. Name the actual behaviours—shouting, checking a phone, blocking a door, sending repeated messages, using money as leverage.

Writing them down makes them concrete and harder to explain away. This is the foundation of the plan: a clear list of what you will not do.

Identify your personal warning signs—the thoughts, feelings and small behaviours that tend to come before a harmful incident. These are unique to you, so be honest about your own patterns.

Warning signs are not excuses. They are early information that tells you to pause and use the plan before things escalate.

Name the situations that raise your risk—anniversaries, contact handovers, court dates, drinking, certain conversations, seeing particular people. Knowing your high-risk situations lets you prepare rather than be caught off guard.

For each high-risk situation, plan in advance what you will do. Preparation is the point of the plan.

List the entitled or blaming thoughts that tend to precede harmful behaviour—“she owes me a response”, “he is doing this on purpose”, “I have changed so they should trust me”. These thoughts are signals to challenge, not truths to act on.

For each, write a more accountable alternative. “She does not owe me a response” is the counter to the first example. Practising the alternative weakens the thought’s pull.

Note the physical and emotional signals that warn you—tension, a tight jaw, faster breathing, a rising urge to act, feeling unable to sit still. These are your body’s early warnings.

When you notice them, that is the moment to use a safe pause and contact your support—before the signals become action.

List safe actions you can take when warning signs appear—stepping away, exercising, writing it down, waiting 24 hours before responding. Also list permitted places you can go that are safe and lawful.

A safe action must not become punishment for the other person. Disappearing to cause fear, or withholding essentials, is not a safe action—it is control.

Write down the boundaries you will respect—the other person’s request for no contact, any court orders, agreed communication channels, and their right to space. Respecting boundaries is a core part of prevention.

If you have been asked not to contact someone, the plan should state clearly that you will not contact them, and what you will do instead when you feel the urge.

List the people and services you will contact when risk rises—your behaviour-change programme worker, the Respect Phoneline, a trusted accountability person, a sponsor, or a helpline. Have their details ready.

Do not list the person you harmed as a contact for your support. Seek support from people and services whose role is to help you change, not from the person affected by your behaviour.

Be honest about how alcohol, drugs or other factors affect your risk. If use increases the chance of harmful behaviour, the plan should address reducing or stopping use, and avoiding high-risk situations while using.

Substances do not cause abuse, but they can increase risk and lower inhibition. Treating them as a risk factor in your plan is responsible, not an excuse.

List any court orders, bail conditions, non-molestation orders, or safeguarding restrictions that apply to you, and what each requires. The plan should state that you will follow them exactly.

If you want to change an order, the route is an application to the court—not breaching it. The plan is a prevention tool, not a way around legal limits.

With the agreement of your accountability person or support worker, note what they should do if they notice your risk increasing—what signs to look for, what they can say to you, and when they should encourage you to seek professional help.

This is not about asking supporters to police you. It is about agreeing in advance how they can help you stay accountable.

Review the plan regularly, and after any near-miss or incident. What warning signs appeared? Did the plan work? What needs to change? A plan that is never reviewed becomes stale and useless.

Updating the plan after setbacks is part of accountability, not a sign of failure. The aim is to learn and adjust so the next response is safer.

If someone is in immediate danger, including from your behaviour, call 999. If you cannot speak, listen to the operator and press 55. Emergency action comes before any plan.

If you feel you are about to harm someone, leave the situation if it is safe and lawful to do so, do not prevent the other person from leaving, and contact the Respect Phoneline or emergency services.

The template below is for you to print or copy into a private document on your own device. Do not enter your answers into any online form that transmits or stores them. Nothing you write here is sent anywhere.

Behaviours that must stop:

• 1. …
• 2. …
• 3. …

Personal warning signs (thoughts, feelings, small behaviours):

• 1. …
• 2. …
• 3. …

High-risk situations:

• 1. …
• 2. …
• 3. …

Entitled or blaming thoughts, and an accountable alternative for each:

• Thought: … Alternative: …
• Thought: … Alternative: …

Physical and emotional signals:

• 1. …
• 2. …

Safe actions and permitted places to go:

• 1. …
• 2. …

Boundaries I will respect (including no-contact and court orders):

• 1. …
• 2. …

People and services to contact (with numbers):

• Respect Phoneline: 0808 802 4040
• Programme worker / support worker: …
• Accountability person: …

Alcohol, drugs and other risk considerations:

• 1. …

Court orders and safeguarding restrictions I will follow:

• 1. …

What supporters should do if risk increases:

• 1. …

Review date and notes from last review:

• Review date: …
• What worked: …
• What to change: …

Emergency: if someone is in danger, call 999 (press 55 if you cannot speak).