Mental Health and Responsibility for Harmful Behaviour

Mental-health difficulties are not a moral failing, and seeking help for them is responsible. Stigma around mental illness can stop people getting the support they need.

At the same time, avoiding stigma does not mean using a mental-health label to explain away harmful behaviour. Both things are true: mental-health difficulties deserve care, and the person experiencing them remains responsible for their behaviour.

Mental health and domestic abuse are separate issues. A person may experience both, but one does not cause the other. Abuse is a pattern of behaviour used to control, intimidate or harm another person; mental-health difficulties are health conditions that affect the person experiencing them.

Treating a mental-health difficulty as the cause of abuse confuses two different problems and can prevent either from being properly addressed.

A diagnosis may describe how a person feels or functions, but it does not explain a choice to control, threaten or harm another person. Many people with the same diagnosis never use abusive behaviour.

If you have a diagnosis, it may be relevant to your support needs. It is not an explanation for abuse, and presenting it as one is a form of minimisation.

If you have been prescribed treatment or offered therapy, taking it as directed and attending appointments is part of looking after yourself. This is responsible and worthwhile.

Do not change or stop medication without speaking to the prescribing professional. If you have concerns about medication, raise them with your GP or prescriber.

Learning to notice changes in your mental state helps you act early. Signs can include changes in sleep, mood, energy, concentration, or an increase in intrusive thoughts. These are signals to seek support and to be extra careful about your behaviour towards others.

A change in mental state is not a reason to relax your standards of behaviour. If anything, it is a time to be more deliberate about safe choices.

A crisis plan, made with a professional, sets out what to do if your mental health worsens. It can include warning signs, who to contact, what support to use, and what to avoid.

A safety plan also considers others: how you will ensure that a period of mental-health crisis does not become a risk to a partner, former partner or children. This may mean arranging to be elsewhere, having someone stay with you, or removing yourself from situations where you might cause harm.

When speaking with a GP, therapist or mental-health team, be honest about any risk your behaviour poses to others. Professionals cannot help you manage risk they do not know about.

Hiding abusive behaviour from mental-health services can lead to support that misses the most important issue. Honesty is uncomfortable, but it is the only way to get support that actually fits.

A partner or former partner is not responsible for managing your mental health or regulating your emotions. Expecting them to calm you down, absorb your distress, or stay close to prevent you from acting badly places an unfair and harmful burden on them.

Emotional regulation is your responsibility, supported by professionals and your own strategies—not by the person you have harmed or are in a relationship with.

If you are in mental-health crisis, you can get urgent help. In England, NHS 111 (option 2) provides urgent mental-health support, and you can also contact your local crisis team or A&E in an emergency. The Samaritans offer confidential listening on 116 123, 24 hours a day.

If someone is in immediate danger, including from your behaviour, call 999.

Mental-health support and behaviour-change work address different things. Having a mental-health difficulty does not replace the need for specialist work on abusive behaviour, and vice versa. Both may be needed at the same time.

Keep your behaviour-change work going. The Respect Phoneline can help you find accredited services if you are not already engaged with one.

A mental-health crisis does not override other people’s boundaries. If someone has asked for space, or if a no-contact order is in place, a crisis is not a reason to breach it. Using a crisis as a reason to contact someone is still a breach of their boundary.

In a crisis, use professional and emergency support, not contact with the person you have harmed.