Digital Boundaries in Relationships

A person’s phone, tablet and computer are theirs. Looking at them, picking them up, or reading their screen without freely given consent is a violation of privacy, even in a close relationship.

Consent to look once is not consent to look always. And consent given under pressure is not real consent. If you would only feel comfortable when you can check someone’s device, the issue is your behaviour, not their privacy.

Demanding or keeping someone’s passwords—email, social media, banking, phone unlock—is a form of control. Sharing passwords should always be a free choice, and someone is entitled to keep their accounts private.

Do not use shared accounts or saved logins to access another person’s private accounts. If you have access you should not have, the accountable step is to remove your own access and tell the person you have done so.

Location sharing should only ever be used with freely given, informed consent, and it should be removable at any time. Using location apps, trackers or devices to watch someone without their knowledge is monitoring and can be a criminal offence.

Even agreed location sharing becomes controlling when it is used to question, restrict or pressure someone about where they have been. If you cannot cope with someone turning off location sharing, that is a sign to seek support, not to insist they keep it on.

Repeatedly calling or messaging someone who has not responded—especially after being asked to stop—is harassment, not persistence. It places pressure on the other person to respond and can be frightening.

If someone does not reply, respect the silence. One message, sent once, is enough. The urge to send more is about your anxiety, not their obligation.

Watching someone’s “last seen” or online status, and using it to question them—“I saw you were online at 2am, who were you talking to?”—is a form of monitoring. It treats ordinary activity as evidence to be interrogated.

Another person’s online activity is not something you are entitled to track or explain. Let go of the need to monitor their digital presence.

Checking a partner’s or former partner’s social media, watching their followers, likes or tags, or using fake accounts to view content they have restricted, is monitoring. It keeps your attention fixed on them and can escalate into harassment.

Respecting digital boundaries includes stepping away from their social media—muting, blocking, or simply not looking—especially after separation.

Creating fake or alternative accounts to contact someone who has blocked you, or to view their private content, is a deliberate attempt to defeat a boundary. It is not harmless; it is often experienced as intimidating.

A block applies to you, not to a particular profile. Circumventing it is a serious breach of a digital boundary.

Posting private information, photos or images of someone without their consent—especially intimate or sensitive material—is a serious violation and can be a criminal offence. This includes sharing content with a small group, not only publicly.

Never share private or intimate images of another person without their clear, freely given consent. Doing so causes serious harm and carries legal consequences.

Smart-home devices, shared streaming accounts, family location groups and connected household systems can all be misused to monitor or pressure a former partner after separation.

After a relationship ends, the accountable step is to remove your own access to shared systems and to ensure you are not using them to observe or contact the other person. If you are unsure how to do this safely, seek advice rather than leaving access in place.

Where you control a shared account or device, you may need to remove the other person’s access for security. Do this carefully: change passwords and review connected devices, but do not delete the other person’s data, messages or evidence they may need.

Deleting someone else’s messages, files or records can destroy evidence and may be harmful or unlawful. Removing access is about security; deleting their data is a different act and should be avoided. If in doubt, take advice.

Where a court order, bail condition or injunction restricts digital contact, follow it exactly. Digital contact includes messages, calls, social media interaction and contact through shared systems. Breaching these restrictions is serious.

This article does not interpret any individual order. If you are unsure what is permitted, take legal advice before acting.

Use this checklist for honest self-review. It does not store any answers.

• I do not check the other person’s devices, accounts or messages.
• I do not keep or use their passwords.
• I do not monitor their location, online status or social media.
• I do not use fake accounts to bypass a block.
• I do not post private information or images of them without consent.
• I do not send repeated calls or messages when there is no reply.
• I have removed my own access to shared systems after separation.
• I follow any legal restrictions on digital contact.