Finding the Right Behaviour-Change Support

A good first step is the Respect Phoneline, which offers confidential information and support for people concerned about their behaviour towards a partner or former partner. They can discuss your situation and point you towards appropriate services.

The Respect Phoneline is available on 0808 802 4040, Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm.

Domestic abuse is not simply an anger problem. It involves patterns of power, control and entitlement that generic anger-management courses are not designed to address. A specialist domestic-abuse behaviour-change programme is usually the appropriate intervention.

Anger management may have a role alongside specialist work, but it is not a substitute for it.

Reputable programmes begin with a thorough assessment to determine suitability—not everyone is ready for or suited to a particular programme. An assessment that takes your situation seriously is a sign of a responsible service.

Be honest during assessment. The purpose is to find the right help, not to pass a test.

A responsible programme places the safety of partners, former partners and children at the centre. This may include contact with the current or former partner (with safety planning) and information-sharing with relevant agencies.

Be wary of any service that promises confidentiality with no safeguarding limits, or that ignores the safety of those affected.

Effective programmes challenge minimisation, blame-shifting and excuses. A service that only validates you, or that agrees the other person was the problem, is not doing behaviour-change work.

Accountability and challenge are uncomfortable, and they are exactly what makes the work effective.

Ask about staff training, clinical supervision and safeguarding procedures. Responsible services employ trained practitioners who are supervised and who follow clear safeguarding protocols.

A service that cannot describe its safeguarding approach is a warning sign.

Look for quality assurance or accreditation. In the UK, the Respect Standard is the recognised accreditation for work with people who use harmful behaviour. Accredited services have met defined standards.

Accreditation is not a guarantee, but its absence is worth questioning.

A responsible service explains its confidentiality policy clearly, including its limits. Confidentiality is important, but it is not absolute where there is a risk of harm to any person, including a child.

Be cautious of services that promise total secrecy with no exceptions.

Ask how long the programme lasts, what attendance is expected, and what follow-up is available. Behaviour change is not achieved in a single workshop. Serious programmes run over weeks or months and offer ongoing support.

A one-day course that promises transformation is not a behaviour-change programme.

Some services offer remote sessions; others are in-person. Each has advantages. Remote support may improve access; in-person work may allow fuller group dynamics. Choose what is available and appropriate for your situation.

What matters most is the quality and specialism of the service, not the format alone.

Ask about costs and referral routes—whether self-referral is possible, whether there are funded places, and whether legal aid or other support applies. Cost should not be a hidden barrier, and clear information is a sign of a transparent service.

Do not assume the most expensive service is the best, or that free services are inferior.

Treat these as warning signs:

• Promises of quick fixes or guaranteed results.
• No assessment or safeguarding process.
• Blaming the victim or former partner as part of the approach.
• No clear confidentiality or safeguarding policy.
• Staff who cannot describe their training or supervision.
• Pressure to pay large sums upfront with no clear structure.

If a service shows these signs, look elsewhere and seek advice from the Respect Phoneline.

Completing a programme may provide a certificate, but a certificate alone does not demonstrate lasting change. Sustained change is shown through behaviour over time—how you handle stress, conflict, rejection and boundaries in real life.

Do not treat a certificate as proof that the work is done. It is the beginning of ongoing accountability, not its end.